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LETTER 32(第1页)

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LETTER32

CHARLESLAMBTOS.T.COLERIDGE

January28th,1798.

Youhavewritmemanykindletters,andIhaveanswerednoneoftheIdontdeserveyourattentions.Anunnaturalindifferencehasbeencreepingonmesincemylastmisfortunes,orIshouldhaveseizedthefirstopeningofacorrespondencewithyou.ToyouIowemuchunderGod.InmybriefacquaintancewithyouinLondon,yourconversationswonmetothebettercause,andrescuedmefromthepollutingspiritoftheworld.Imighthavebeenaworthlesscharacterwithoutyou;asitis,Idopossessacertainimprovableportionofdevotionalfeelings,thowhenIviewmyselfinthelightofdivinetruth,andnotaccordingtothemonmeasuresofhumanjudgment,Iamaltogethercorruptandsinful.Thisisnocant.Iamverysincere.

Theselastafflictions,Coleridge,havefailedtosoftenandbendmywill.Theyfoundmeunprepared.Myformercalamitiesproducedinmeaspiritofhumilityandaspiritofprayer.Ithoughttheyhadsufficientlydisciplinedme;buttheeventoughttohumbleme.IfGodsjudgmentsnowfailtotakeawayfrommetheheartofstone,whatmoregrievoustrialsoughtInottoexpect?Ihavebeenveryquerulous,impatientundertherod—fulloflittlejealousiesandheartburnings.—IhadwellnighquarrelledwithCharlesLloyd;andfornootherreason,Ibelieve,thanthatthegoodcreaturedidallhecouldtomakemehappy.Thetruthis,Ithoughthetriedtoforcemymindfromitsnaturalandproperbent;hecontinuallywishedmetobefromhome;hewasdrawingmefromtheconsiderationofmypoordearMaryssituation,ratherthanassistingmetogainaproperviewofitwithreligiousconsolations.Iwantedtobelefttothetendencyofmyownmindinasolitarystatewhich,intimespast,Iknewhadledtoquietnessandapatientbearingoftheyoke.HewashurtthatIwasnotmoreconstantlywithhim;buthewaslivingwithWhite,amantowhomIhadneverbeenaccustomedtoimpartmydearestfeelings,thofromlonghabitsoffriendliness,andmanyasocialandgoodquality,Ilovedhimverymuch.Imetpanytheresometimes—indiscriminatepany.Anysocietyalmost,whenIaminaffliction,issorelypainfultome.Iseemtobreathemorefreely,tothinkmorecollectedly,tofeelmoreproperlyandcalmly,whenalone.Allthesethingsthegoodcreaturedidwiththekindestintentionsintheworld,buttheyproducedinmenothingbutsorenessanddiscontent.Ibecame,asheplained,"jaundiced"towardshim…buthehasforgivenme—andhissmile,Ihope,willdrawallsuchhumoursfromme.Iamrecovering,Godbepraisedforit,ahealthinessofmind,somethinglikecalmness—butIwantmorereligion—Iamjealousofhumanhelpsandleaning-places.Irejoiceinyourgoodfortunes.MayGodatthelastsettleyou!—Youhavehadmanyandpainfultrials;humanlyspeakingtheyaregoingtoend;butweshouldratherpraythatdisciplinemayattendusthrothewholeofourlives…Acarelessandadissolutespirithasadvanceduponmewithlargestrides—prayGodthatmypresentafflictionsmaybesanctifiedtome!Maryisrecovering,butIseenoopeningyetofasituationforher;yourinvitationwenttomyveryheart,butyouhaveapowerofexcitinginterest,ofleadingallheartscaptive,tooforcibletoadmitofMarysbeingwithyou.

Iconsiderherasperpetuallyonthebrinkofmadness.Ithinkyouwouldalmostmakeherdancewithinaninchoftheprecipice:shemustbewithdullerfanciesandcoolerintellects.Iknowayoungmanofthisdescription,whohassuitedherthesetwentyyears,andmaylivetodosostill,ifweareonedayrestoredtoeachother.Inanswertoyoursuggestionsofoccupationforme,ImustsaythatIdonotthinkmycapacityaltogethersuitedfordisquisitionsofthatkind….Ihavereadlittle,Ihaveaveryweakmemory,andretainlittleofwhatIread;amunusedtopositioninwhichanymethodisingisrequired;butIthankyousincerelyforthehint,andshallreceiveitasfarasIamable:thatis,endeavourtoengagemymindinsomeconstantandinnocentpursuit.Iknowmycapacitiesbetterthanyoudo.

Acceptmykindestlove,andbelievemeyours,asever.

C.L.

[ThefirstletterthathasbeenpreservedsinceSeptemberofthepreviousyear.InthemeantimeLambhadbeguntoworkonRosamundGray,probablyuponanimpulsegainedfromthevisittoStowey,andwasalsoarrangingtojoinLloyd,whowaslivinginLondonwithWhite,inthevolumeofpoemstobecalledBlankVerse.Southey,writingmanyyearslatertoEdwardMoxon,saidofLloydandWhite:"Notwomencouldbeimaginedmoreunlikeeachother;Lloydhadnodrolleryinhisnature;Whiteseemedtohavenothingelse.YouwilleasilyunderstandhowLambcouldsympathisewithboth."

ThenewcalamitytowhichLambrefersinthisletterwasprobablyarelapseinMaryLambscondition.WhenhelastmentionedhershewassofarbetterastobeabletobemovedintolodgingsatHackney:allthatgoodwasnowundone.ColeridgeseemstohavesuggestedthatsheshouldvisitStowey.

ItwasaboutthistimethatLambwrotethepoem"TheOldFamiliarFaces,"whichI"ebelowinitsoriginalform,afterwardschangedbytheomissionofthefirstfourlines:—

THEOLDFAMILIARFACES

Wherearetheygone,theoldfamiliarfaces?

Ihadamother,butshedied,andleftme,

Diedprematurelyinadayofhorrors—

All,allaregone,theoldfamiliarfaces.

Ihavehadplaymates,Ihavehadpanions,

Inmydaysofchildhood,inmyjoyfulschool-days—

All,allaregone,theoldfamiliarfaces.

Ihavebeenlaughing,Ihavebeencarousing,

Drinkinglate,sittinglate,withmybosomcronies—

All,allaregone,theoldfamiliarfaces.

Ilovedaloveonce,fairestamongwomen.

Closedareherdoorsonme,Imustnotseeher—

All,allaregone,theoldfamiliarfaces.

Ihaveafriend,akinderfriendhasnoman.

Likeaningrate,Ileftmyfriendabruptly;

Lefthim,tomuseontheoldfamiliarfaces.

Ghost-like,Ipacedroundthehauntsofmychildhood.

EarthseemdadesertIwasboundtotraverse,

Seekingtofindtheoldfamiliarfaces.

Friendofmybosom,thoumorethanabrother!

Whywertnotthouborninmyfathersdwelling?

Somightwetalkoftheoldfamiliarfaces.

Forsometheyhavedied,andsometheyhaveleftme,Andsomearetakenfromme;allaredeparted;All,allaregone,theoldfamiliarfaces.

January,1798.

ItisconjecturedbyMr.J.A.Rutter,andthereismuchreasontobelieveitarighttheory,especiallywhentakenintoconnectionwiththepresentletter,thatLloydwasthefriendofthefifthstanzaandColeridgethefriendoftheseventh.Theitalicisedhalflinemightreferto"Anna,"but,sincesheismentionedinthefourthstanza,itmoreprobably,Ithink,referstoMaryLamb,who,aswehaveseen,hadbeensoillastonecessitateremovalfromHackneyintomorespecialconfinementagain.

TheletterwasaddressedtoColeridgeattheReverendA.Rowes,Shrewsbury.ColeridgehadbeenofferedtheUnitarianpulpitatShrewsburyandwasonthepointofacceptingwhenhereceivednewsoftheannuityof£150whichJosiahandThomasWedgwoodhadsettleduponhi

BetweenthisletterandthenextcertainlycameotherletterstoColeridge,nowlost,oneofwhichisreferredtobyColeridgeinthelettertoLamb"edbelow.]

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